


El Clásico: The Adventure of Alternate Universes

by Catmoney



Series: Cressi Week 2K18 [3]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: A bunch of Real Madrid & Barcelona players, M/M, cressiweek2k18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:50:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catmoney/pseuds/Catmoney
Summary: El Clásico, the ninety minutes football game full of violent, drama, play-acting and most importantly quality football. Accidents happened leaving Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, Gerard Piqué and Sergio Ramos travelling into alternate universes that were so very different than theirs. A lot of confusions ensues.Written for Cressi Week:Day 4 Prompt: Crack. This is crack treated seriously! Read it at your own risk.





	El Clásico: The Adventure of Alternate Universes

**Author's Note:**

> Cressi Week Day 4: Crack  
> This story will get weirder, when down you scrolled further!

It was just like any other El Clásico that Cris has played in his Real Madrid kit. Well, if you think two footed tackles, elbows to the face, diving and straight red card were the usual circumstances of a football game that was. El Clásico, the ninety minutes football game full of violent, drama, play-acting and most importantly quality football. _There’s no game like El Clásico_ thought Cristiano.

The game had entered the eightieth minute. The scoreboard indicated a 2-2 draw. After the 70th minute of Gareth’s equaliser, Madrid’s players were all fired up searching for the winning goal to shut their eternal rival up in Santiago Bernabéu. While the Barca’s player were also desperate to get another goal after they blew their 2-1 lead earlier.

Five minute before full time and Madrid got a corner. It might be the last time Madrid players could score another goal while the Barca players were anxious to defend especially with Madrid infamous last minute goal history. Toni Kroos the German sniper took the corner and shot it accurately into the penalty box.

Cristiano went in front to become the target man and if the ball went to him it would also be nice to score. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Gerard conflicted face. To mark him and his dangerous aerial technique or to mark Sergio, the defender with dramatic header goal. After that he remembered jumping for the ball, losing his balance and collided with Leo Messi’s head. His body crashed on top Leo and before he could get up there were more weight on his back. What happened?  

The situation in the penalty box was chaotic. Gerard jumping high to deflect the ball away but didn’t hit the ball instead colliding with Sergio head who was about to head the ball. The ball flew past Sergio and Gerard and heading towards Cristiano. Cristiano jumped but was pushed from behind by Umtiti. He then loose his balance and collided with Leo’s temple who was helping defence with Ter-Stegen in goal. Sergio and Gerard who were dizzy from the head collision then both fell on Cristiano who was now totally crushing Leo.

Cristiano’s head was hurting and the last thing he saw was a grimacing Leo before bright white light appeared and then he blacked out.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cristiano blinked a little, he then realised that the bright light was just Santiago Bernabéu stadium light. Then, he felt someone pulled his arm helping him to stand. He figured it was one of his teammates only to realised it was Suarez. Well he was taken aback a little but the Uruguayan could be nice sometimes only usually not during Clásicos or international games. Fine Suarez was never nice to him on the pitch. ‘ _Or maybe because he wanted to help Leo from being crushed by him’_ Cristiano’s mind supplied. Well that made more sense.

Only it doesn’t make sense. Because Leo was being held up to stand by Madrid’s player like Lucas Vasques, Isco and even Marcelo. _Traitor_ the thought in Cristiano’s head sounded a bit petty. Then, he gaped seeing Leo’s shirt.

“Is that Messi in Real’s shirt?!” Sergio squeaked a bit hysterically. He voiced exactly what Cristiano thought.

“Of course Capi! Since 2005 and your longest time teammate.” Said Nacho nonchalantly like stating the sky is blue and the pitch is green.

“Is that Ronaldo in a Barca shirt?! Am I in a nightmare?” Gerard loud proclamation shook Ronaldo to look at down at his shirt. Yup, that’s definitely Red and Blue stripe shirt with Barca’s cress he’s wearing. ‘ _Didn’t even know Barca kit has long sleeves version’_ was the first thing Ronaldo mind came up with.

“Hey have some respect for our club all-time top scorer, Geri” Andre Gomes said then smiled at Cristiano. “Sorry Cris, Geri didn’t mean that. This big goon is probably pranking you again” added Andre.

“ Yes Cris is wearing the same kit as you Geri like he wore the same Manchester kit and the same La Masia kit” Busquets said to Geri making him frown deeper.

“Hey did you hit your head too hard, until you forget your teammate of 20 years” This time Busquets look worried and gently inspecting the forming bruise on Geri’s head that resulted from colliding with Ramos.

“…..Cris, Cris come on we need to get back to our starting position” Suarez voice broke his trail of questions and thoughts. His eyes met Leo eyes and there’s only confusion reflected in the shorter man eyes. Probably the same confusion shared only between him, Leo, Sergio and Gerard while everyone else seems like it’s totally normal.

“Stop wasting time! Everyone please get back to your starting position!” Yelled the referee to them. Then, the referee blew the whistle. Somehow, the shrilled sound of the whistle sounded too loud in his ear. The pounding in his head came back and he closed his eyes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------     

“…..Sergio, Sergio. So what’s your answer as the club captain?” Hierro elbowed Sergio to bring him back to reality. Sergio was first confused then, he remembered the press conference he’s attending for the national team on their road to Russia 2018 world cup. Right, Sergio needed to pay more attention in the press conference especially after the whole fiasco with Julen Lopertegui _. Don’t want another scandal arising only days before the world cup_ was the mantra Sergio kept reminding himself.

“I’m sorry could you repeat the question again?” asked Sergio while throwing the Press with his charming grin. From the corner of his eyes he could see Gerard rolled his eyes at him. So much for national team support.

“Well I was asking about with only you, Iniesta, Gerard, Leo and Cristiano left from the Spain golden Era, this might be the last time you can win the world cup together? What is your take on that?” The press from MARCA asked.

Only then Sergio realised who’s sitting with him at the table for the press conference. On his left, there was Hierro at the centre of the table as their national team coach, Andres who was the vice- captain sat next to him on his right, there was Gerard who sat next to Andres, you know the usual line up. But then sitting on Hierro left were Cristiano and Leo wearing the full Spain’s kit?!  

 _‘Am I in an alternate universe?’_ Sergio thought because there was no way the Cristiano he knew would ever wear other than Portugal’s red for national competition. He’s too proud of his country and will stuck with them no matter what. Same goes with Leo, no matter how much heartbreak he had or all the comparison to Maradona he will always down the Argentina’s shirt.

 _‘But its definitely awesome to have two world’s best strikers on our team’_ Sergio thought even if this is just a dream.

“Well, we still have Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi on our team. The two world best striker on our team! With them we could do anything, win anything. Even the World Cup” Sergio said with confidence and enthusiasm.

“Well in the 2014 World Cup, our country was eliminated in the **group stage** with all of you including Cris and Leo playing. And because of our last world cup, it has made us look less of a powerhouse to the other world cup finalists. What’s your opinion on that?” The MARCA reporter arched her eyebrow looking unimpressed with his answer.

So even with Leo and Cristiano on their team, they still couldn’t salvage the horrendous 2014 World Cup campaign. Sergio wondered if Argentina still advanced to the final without Leo on their team.     

“Well then we just have to remind to the rest of the world, we are still the team to win 3 consecutive EUROS and we will still be a force to be reckon with” said Iniesta with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

 _‘Hey 3 EUROS and 1 World Cup are not so bad’_ Sergio thought but he wondered what Cristiano is feeling hearing Portugal didn’t win _. ‘But Cristiano now play for Spain which means he still won the EURO 2016 even when Portugal didn’t win but……’_ Sergio thought he’s going to give himself a headache thinking about the confusing situation he was in now.

“Then to Leo and Cristiano, already acquiring 1 world Cup and 3 Euros accompanied by your illustrious Club career with 10 Ballon d’Or combined, will you two retire from the national team if this World Cup turn into a disappointment like the last one? I mean you two can already go down as the most successful Spanish players of all time” The MARCA reporters turned the attention to Cristiano and Leo.

Cristiano and Leo looked like they were frozen to the spot. Leo looked so shocked and pale like he could faint while Cristiano has his mouth gaping a little. But Cristiano shook his head seemed like the first out of the two to regained his composure.

“I think that….ahh..” Cristiano was at a loss of words. Then his microphone was out of frequency letting out shrill _ngggggghhh._ The four of them, Leo, Cristiano, Gerard and Sergio clutched their head simultaneously. The pounding in their head were back and the world turned disoriented to them.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is the worse alternate reality we’ve ever been too” Gerard said to Sergio and Sergio nodded enthusiastically to Gerard’s statement.

“Yeah I mean Strikers always get all the recognition but midfielders and defenders are part of the strategy to win it too. How are we going to win with 10 strikers and 1 goal keeper?” Sergio frowned while looking at the tragic condition Team Galaxy 11 was playing.

When Gerard opened his eyes from the pounding headache, he realised he was sitting in a stadium next to Sergio but not on the bench rather on spectator’s seats. He still a bit disoriented but his brain somehow had the knowledge of what’s going on. He knew this is a match, an important match. The match was fielding all the most famous, most important players of planet Earth and of course that included Leo and Cristiano.   

Their planet was at war with an alien race and the battle will be played out on a football pitch. The Alien proposed human to a football match and if the humans lost then they will destroy planet Earth. So literally this team had the fate of humanity in their hand. And right now it doesn’t look too good. The scoreboard showed 3-0 to the Alien team.

“I’m not even surprise we conceded three goals with Iker the only one defending our goal” Sergio frowned. He felt pity for Iker, Iker must felt guilty for conceding three goals even when he’s doing fantastic.

“What do you expect when Rooney is supposed to defend. Even I have more stamina and pace than him these days” Gerard could remember the old United days when Rooney could amazingly take the ball from one side to the other side of pitch in minutes. Sadly, he burned out too fast even though he’s younger than Gerard.

“You’re being mean to your ex-teammates again” Sergio frowned at Gerard. Not because he insulted Rooney but he remembered when Gerard insulted Cristiano sometimes and he doesn’t like that.

On the pitch, the team of superstars were slightly doing better. They finally had some sort of understanding of each other style of play and communication between them got easier. Surprisingly, Leo and Cristiano could link up quite nicely. Leo dropped down further to undertake the role of a midfielder, crossed the ball to Cristiano on the other side of the pitch. Then, in the penalty box Cristiano passed the ball to Rooney and Rooney slotted it into the goal. The cheers from the human was loud like they finally had a hope again. In the sixtieth minute Cristiano slotted a goal and five minute later it was Leo’s turn to have his name on the scoreboard.

In the last five minutes the game was tense. Both team didn’t want to drag the game into extra time. Especially The Galaxy 11, they wouldn’t have the stamina to outperform the Alien noticed Gerard. Then, Leo got the chance to bring the ball into the penalty box. He passed the ball to Cristiano. Both Gerard and Sergio were at the edge of their seats. ‘ _Cristiano wouldn’t miss this chance especially not this kind of chance in the penalty box’_ thought Gerard.

Cristiano received the ball and then he volleyed the ball amazingly into the goal. Like slow motion, the ball went passed the Alien’s goalkeeper hands and almost pass the goal line when a bright light appeared. Gerard lost his sight of what happened after that.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The smell of burnt food diverted Sergio attention from reading the sport section of the newspaper. “Honey, I think you burn the bacon again” Sergio bellowed to other person making the breakfast in the kitchen. ‘My husband couldn’t even cook Bacon right’ Sergio chuckled at his thought.

“Shut up, I’m doing my best here” Gerard shouted irritated. ‘Always such a critique’ Gerard thought about his husband.

 _‘Wait husband!?’_ Sergio and Gerard thought simultaneously.

Gerard quickly turned off the stove leaving the half burnt bacon inside the pan and rushed to the dining room where Sergio was. In the dining room, Gerard saw Sergio was staring horrifically at his left hand but more specifically his left hand’s ring finger. It was a platinum band resting on Sergio’s finger and it looked an awful lot like his grandmother’s wedding band that he inherited. He looked down on his hands. And there resting on the ring finger of his right hand was a matching silver band that used to belong to his Grandfather.

“Are we married?!” Sergio shouted with shock

“Yeah to each other it seems” Gerard laughed hysterically while showing Sergio his ring. Sergio mouth dropped and his eyes were comically wide.

“Papi, have you finished making breakfast? I hope it’s not burn” There were two boys coming into the house from the kitchen door. One was older at age eight and the younger one was age at five. Both were wearing Spain’s jersey, while the older one was clutching a football in his arms.  It was the older boy who asked the question.

Both boys had light brown hair like Sergio’s while the younger one has blue eyes like Gerard’s. And now both boys were looking expectedly at Gerard while rubbing their stomachs.

“I’m your father and you’re my sons?” Gerard asked the boys and deep in his conscience he knew the answer was yes.

“Mommy, Papi is pranking us again.” Now, the younger one whined and looked expectantly at Sergio.

So, he and Gerard were married and these boys were their sons. They called Gerard their Papi but they called him mommy. Deep in Sergio’s mind, he knew these two boys were not adopted even though both their parents were men. Which mean there could only be one answer, _‘I gave birth to these boys which are also Gerard’s sons’._ Sergio instantly fainted at the thoughts.

Gerard stay frozen to his spot as he saw Sergio fainted and their sons (Sergio Jr and Marco his brain supplied the names of his sons’) rushed to help their mother.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Leo lied on the examination table. He can’t help but felt nervous as the doctor continued checking his body. He doesn’t understand why he felt nervous as he was very used to medical check-up from a young age since in La Masia’s Academy.

The doctor continued checking his body and paid very close attention to his stomach. He’s stomach felt cold being exposed to cool air but it also felt weird inside. After a few minute of checking his stomach and the doctor finally stopped and gave him a huge grin.

“Congratulation Mr Leo” The doctor enthusiastically shook his hand.

“Please put your shirt back on and I’ll share the great news in the office” The doctor tidied his notes of Leo’s medical check-up results into a file. Then, he quickly took the file in one hand and disappeared to the direction Leo assumed was his office.

Leo took the black button up shirt he remembered putting on one of the chair. The shirt ended up at the length of his thigh instead of his waist indicating that the shirt was a few sizes too big. But the shirt smelled nice, not his usual perfume but it smells nice nonetheless. Then, he went to the direction of the doctor office.

Inside the doctor office, he saw Doctor Shawn (his brain supplied the doctor’s name) and another figure in the room and it was Cristiano. Why would Cristiano be present at his annual medical check-up?    

“Come on and have a sit Mr Leo” Leo looked around the room and saw only one unoccupied arm chair next to Cristiano which was facing the doctor. He had no choice but to sit there. When he glanced at Cristiano next to him, Cristiano had the deer caught in a headlight look. Never had he saw Cristiano so unsure when he’s usually looked so sure and determined all the time. He almost wanted to hug Cristiano and reassured him that everything is going to be fine. Wait where were these thoughts coming from?

“So if you could see on the computer screen. Right here the small like bean figure in Leo’s stomach. That is your baby. Congratulation Mr and Mr Messi-Ronaldo, you’ll be expecting your first baby!” Both Leo and Cristiano went wide eyed and dropped their jaw while staring at the computer screen.

He remembered his mother saying there’ll be nothing to prepare you for the shock and the joy of having your first child. It was always expect the unexpected. Well male pregnancy was the most unexpected of all wasn’t it?

He heard Cristiano breathing heavily next to him. Cristiano looked like he was getting into a panic attack. And then Cristiano passed out.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sergio felt his head throbbing. His body also felt sore all over. He slowly opened his eyes to accommodate the bright white light. He scanned his surroundings and he saw the white curtain, the IV-drip and the heart monitor. He must be in a hospital.

The first thing he said was “I swear fucking Geri, this will be the last time I’ll give birth to any of your monstrous child ever again!” Sergio loudly swore at Gerard. He hoped his sons were outside and didn’t heard him swore, he loved Jr and Marco so much. It’s their father who he wanted to kill.    

“You keep saying that baby, but we still ended up with 3 kids” Gerard chuckled at Sergio but then he coughed when he noticed his dry throat.

Sergio stared at Geri on the hospital bed next to him. Wait, if he’s the one giving birth why was Geri on the hospital bed as well? _‘The big oaf must have fainted again while seeing I’ve gone into labor’_ Sergio rolled his eyes at Gerard.

“Wait third child? Did I give birth to a triplet? I thought I was only expecting one baby?” Leo who just woke up and heard Sergio words felt puzzled. So will he and Cristiano had three babies now? thought Leo.

“It’s alright baby. One baby or three, I’ll promise to always take care of our family” Cristiano said sincerely. Cristiano stared lovingly at Leo who was resting on a hospital bed next to Leo’s.    

Wait why are the four of us were resting on hospital beds? Sergio thought. The situation right now was all four of them were in the same hospital room but in four separate beds with IV drips. The arrangement of their beds were Gerard’s bed was next to Sergio’s bed who was next to Leo’s bed who was next to Cristiano’s bed. The situation was confusing to all four of them.   

Then, suddenly they heard loud crashing noise and they saw a basket full of apples rolling on the floor.

There in front of their beds were their teammates from both clubs. Isco, Marcelo and Vasquez from Real Madrid and Suarez, Busquets and Alba from Barcelona. All of them have their mouth agape after listening to the conversation shared by the patients on the beds. Isco was the one who so shocked he dropped the basket of apples he was supposedly carrying.   

“Oh god the collision from the Clásico must have hit them harder than we thought” Suarez said out loud.

“Now that they’ve finally woken up, quick we need to call the doctor!” Marcelo said with voice full of concern. Quickly, they ran outside to fetch the doctor. Leaving behind the still confused patients behind with different thoughts occupying their head.

‘ _So am I still in Barcelona now? Will Suarez be kinder to me?”_ Cristiano wondered if Suarez will be the godfather of his and Leo kid.

‘ _Wait is the Clásico, the one with the Alien? Did we lose and now planet Earth will be destroyed?!”_ Leo thought horrifically worrying about the state of the planet his first child was about to be born in.

‘ _I knew it, the Alien must have abducted us! That’s why male pregnancy could happen!”_ Gerard was convinced that was the explanation of the birth of his and Sergio’s sons.

 _‘Fucking Geri! I better not miss another Clásico because of maternity leave!”_ Sergio was convinced that at this point Gerard was trying to keep him pregnant just so he would miss another El Clásico.

**Author's Note:**

> The longest fic I've ever written and the genre is crack. That says a lot about me XD. The story takes longer than I've expected. Now, I'm behind left behind from other challenges of the week :'( .But it's ok, I'm going to catch up as my motto is better late than never *fist pump*
> 
> The idea for the story came from all the what if's I've ever think of about this couple. It's like half written fics crammed into one. I had fun writting this fic. Seriously thank you for your time in reading this weird ass fic.


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